Florence Ajimobi, Former Oyo state First Lady, Narrates to her daughter, Abisola Kola Daisi How her husband, former Oyo state governor, Abiola Ajimobi cheated on her severally, explains how she handled it.
In an Instagram live chat with her daughter, Florence spoke about marriage, motherhood, growing up as a love child, and the only condition under which divorce can be considered.
She said that she caught her husband cheating on her a few times but she chose to forgive him each time to save her marriage. She said she never called him out for it after he apologizes.
She said: “Even on one or two occasions that I’ve caught him cheating, he will apologize. And once he apologizes and it ends, I never go back to them again, I never Bisola, I never ever discussed it.
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“Because, what I’m saying is, to err is human, to forgive is divine. We are friends.
“Even as a wife, sometimes I fall below his expectations. Sometimes we do things that is even worse than cheating.”
“I know some women that build houses without their husband knowing. It’s as bad. It’s as bad. Why would you do such a thing without telling him. Why?
“So, there are different things we do. It is not just cheating that is bad in a relationship. There are some people that you know, they keep dirty secrets and they don’t tell their husbands.
“So, if you say somebody is your friend. Why are you keeping things?
“Sometimes, when I do something, sometimes, I can’t even face my husband. I send him messages when I know I’ve done something because I don’t want to see the hurt on his face, I just write it down. I send him a text and he replies me that ‘it’s OK, Flory, we can talk about it’.”
She added that for a man, having sex with his wife is different from sex with a side chic. She said having $ex with the wife is “making love” while $ex with the other woman is just $ex.
“But I think most men, when they cheat, they just have $ex with the woman. And the women are smart enough. They know what they want. They have $ex with them and they…
“When a man is having a relationship with a woman he loves, he’s making love, he’s not having $ex.
“So if you’re cheap enough, give yourself to my husband. He’s mine. Whatever is mine will not go away. He will use you and come back to me.
“I tell people, it’s my leftover you’re eating. He’s my leftover. I’ve eaten the better part of him. I get the chunky meat, eat the bone, it’s none of my business. And you’re doing it hush hush hush hush. You’re not enjoying it because you’re stealing. You’re looking, ‘is somebody there? Am I going to be caught?’
“So, he’s my husband, he can’t go anywhere else…”
“If you don’t love your husband, you won’t be jealous. A woman that doesn’t love her husband will not care what he does out there. She doesn’t care. Even when you see him, you don’t care.
“When I see my husband, you know, ahn ahn, I feel like dying. When I love him so much and I don’t want to be seen as a failure to lose him to somebody else, so I fight for him. I’m always fighting for him, always fighting to get him back… And he knows.”
“Sometimes, I see my husband… I can Google the girl’s name and then I just print out the picture and put it on the bed. When he comes back from work, he sees the girl’s picture on his bed and he knows the girl.
“I put her name, I put her telephone number and I don’t say a word. I don’t say a word. I’ve done it before, ask him. I print it out.
“Because, when I see the phone, I use Truecaller, it will give me the name of the person. I’ll Google the name of the person. Even, one was living in America. I Googled her, printed her picture, put it on the bed. What do you have to say? And I left.
“So, when he went into the room, he saw it on the bed. I don’t know what happened. I wasn’t there. I don’t know what he did.
“But, you know, he now came to me later that, ‘can we discuss?’ I said, ‘about what? Nothing to discuss’. ‘Do you want me to send her away?’ I said, ‘pay her off’.”
“No, I want to keep my home. So, where would I go? I’ll go and be staying alone? When I’ve laboured all these while then somebody will come and enjoy? Never. It’s not going to happen. Never. Never. Never never never.”
Abisola then asked her mother: “You’re known to be an advocate of ‘no divorce’. At what point can divorce make sense?”
Florence Ajimobi responded: “The point where I’ll opt for divorce is when he becomes violent.
“But I don’t buy divorce because i look at my background and especially where I’m coming from. I’m a love child, my mother never married my father. I was born out of wedlock. I grew up with my mum and my stepfather and I knew what it takes . It is not the best for any child.
“So, when I got married, I had made up my mind that when I get to the union called marriage, it’s going to be forever. And i had also made up my mind that there’s nothing the man can do, it’s from his house to my grave.”
“But, for it to get violent, I tell a lot of ladies that sometimes, you prompt it. I’m not going to let a man beat me because I’d rather lock myself up and tell him I’m not going to ever come out because I know he’ll beat me.
“Maybe I know I’ve said some horrible things. You know women, we can talk, we can get aggressive. Sometimes I know I’ve said horrible things to my husband and I see the look on his face. Before it gets further, I just lock myself in the toilet. And he’ll call me to come, I’ll say ‘never, your going to beat me’. He’ll say, “Florence, I’m not’. I’ll say, ‘promise me on your mother’s something, you can’t beat me’.
“And he’s not a bastard. You tell a man some horrible things, he gets angry, he gets worked up. So, I want us to learn from that. We should mind what we say. Because an angry man cannot control himself. Neither can an angry woman control her words too.
“So, we sometimes provoke the men to that level. But when you know you’ve done it, don’t let any man beat you for crying out loud, don’t allow it.”.